The idea for this story popped into my head sometime in 2015, after I was involved in a particularly rancorous social media argument. I jotted down as quickly as I could, in no particular format in MSWord, cut-and-pasted below:
Hildegarde Hutt and her Horrible Heads! Hannahbell Hobb
Helma Harandaty – Holga Hradatz – Hoblenz –
They came every Spring, as soon as the mud was gone.
Kid working with dad in field, hears something, runs off.
Everyone came out to see the show.
The little ones hung back, but they watched too.
In my travels, I have seen many things, strange and beautiful, horrible and bizarre….
HH in her wagon, on a an overgrown jungle trail… no one has come this way for years.
But nothing compared to what I encountered that day….
… Into a clearing, sees a gleaming skyline.
My wanderings had brought me to the abandoned city of Karaz. Even I thought it was only a legend… But here it was, magnificent, desolate… Towers of glass and gold… but even more wondrous than the city itself, was… its inhabitants… (See her face, reaction, but not what she sees).
I present them to you now…. For your edification and entertainment…
Prepare to be amazed by…. The heads of …..? Karabasz
Nothing can compare to the cognitive powers of these disembodied doyens – known throughout the world for their fabulous insights, the depth and breadth of their wisdom and knowledge… come to them with any problem, any dilemma…! Gasps from the few who haven’t seen them before.. The children gape, huddle together.
Look under the wagon – you can see that there is no trickery here. Nothing hidden underneath! Nothing behind! Look all around.
Now who has a question for these distinguished decapitees?
Hand raised
Yes, your name dear?
Uh… if you please…My name is Agnesska. my friend Mireille and I disagree….
How can you call her a friend, the way she’s treated you!? She’s playing you for a FOOL!
But. Um.
Mireille’s not the one to blame, it’s YOU! You don’t know what you’re talking about!
She’s abused her friend’s trust, betrayed her…!
You fall for Agnesska’s lies?! I’m not surprised, you gullible Sapling!
Sapling?! You’re the one getting it ass-backwards as always! Moron!
She’s not a moron, YOU are! Shut up!
You shut up, demagogue!
Spit!
Bigot!
Scoundrel!
Spit! Spit!
Doofus!
Malingerer!
Crowd laughing
Heads launch at one another biting, butting.
Lowlife!
Snob!
Snot-nose!
Loser!
Pariah!
Bottom-feeder!
Deviant!
Retard!
Communist!
Mouth-breather!
Crowd rolling in laughter… Agnesska and Mirelle hugging… why were we mad? I don’t even remember!
The spectacle of the heads – the vituperative vocabularies and senseless squabbling –put things in perspective, made it easy for villagers to put aside their own differences, made arguing seem silly and ridiculous. Village life would be harmonious for weeks even months afterwards.
Later that night, Hildegarde smokes a pipe at the fire… You have something to say?
The kids shyly step out of the darkness.
Are they alive? Oh yes, alive as you or me.
Where did they come from?
Oh that’s a long story. Grin.
There was a city in the West, a magnificent city, unsurpassed in its achievements its splendor and its riches.
Its citizens were renouned for their erudition and knowledge. Every spare moment was spent in contemplation, study, research and learned discussions.
For all their learning and distinction, the citizens still bemoaned having to spend their days at menial tasks – in the fields, factories, and kitchens – just to make life physically possible.
They longed to have full days of contemplation, learned discussions, meditations… the life of the mind.
And their scientists invented a way to make that possible.
(A machine in which a person steps in, and the body steps out, the head remains alive, conscious)
Now, their bodies could leave home each morning to perform the necessary but hated labors, while the heads were free to engage in loftier pursuits.
Books propped up and heads reading them
Soon though…
You totally misinterpret the meaning of the passage!
I’m not misinterpreting anything, you’re too stupid to understand basic reasoning.
You’re both idiots!
Your ideas are impractical, impious and imperialistic!
And yours are sentimental drivel!
You wouldn’t know a rational thought if it bit you in the ass!
I don’t have an ass!
What’s that on your neck then!
The bodies returned from their jobs, exhausted and annoyed by the rantings of their former rulers.
I can’t believe the gobbledygook you spew!
It would sound like gobbledygook to a half-wit!
You tell that pea-brain!
I can’t believe you’re siding with that Neanderthal!
Better a Neanderthal than a craven invertebrate such as you!
One day, they just didn’t return at all.
And I’m not sure the heads even noticed.
Imbecile!
Scallywag!
Fuzzy-brained buffoon!
Hypocrite!
Panderer!
Liar!
Addle-head!
Booger-eater!
Dipstick!
Dumbbell!
Bug-face!
That’s what I found when I stumbled upon it in my journeys. Travelers shunned the city, as one of the most unpleasant places on Earth. But as a show-woman, I saw the entertainment value!
She puts five of them in a sack.
Do you have to feed them?
I give them a little sugar now and then. They always complain they’re hungry, but they don’t need food. No, wherever their bodies are, they must be getting nourishment enough.
Don’t they ever get tired of arguing?
Ha ha! I’ve seen no sign of it.
Of course, they’re getting older… perhaps I’ll need to find some new heads soon. Do any of you want a career in SHOW-BIZ!?
Screams and running away.
Chuckle.
